Beauty, and Needing Each Other

I look back on pictures of myself when I was a baby. WOW, was I adorable! (in all modesty. Really.) I mean, weren't we all precious when we were little?

And then comes the awkwardness of middle school and adolecence, and you try to get boys to like you, and you're not sure you're really all that pretty.

But then, college comes, you're more grown-up looking (not necessarily grown-up), and you get compliments on your looks a lot. Well, duh, of course by "you," I mean, this is how it all happened to me.

I wasn't confident at all in high school until maybe my senior year. In my sophomore year of college, I broke up with a really, really crappy boyfriend and as it turns out, a lot of people found me to be really cute. The truth serum of alcohol in college helped many a boy confess things that flattered me. And frankly, it took a while for me to really think I must actually BE pretty, since so many people were saying so. And this continued through my dating years.

Then I met the love of my life, who is the embodiment of what I dreamed of, and more.

But when you get into 5 or 6 years of being together, guys don't really see the need too much anymore to tell you that you look cute. And I can't help it. I miss it. I know for a fact that hubby thinks it, he just doesn't say it.

NO, I am not saying this because I want to feed my ego. I have been accused (not by friends, by sh*tty people) that I am acting conceited.

All I am saying, is that for years I got lots of compliments that led to some confidence and good self-esteem after years of awkwardness and no one returning my adolescent longing.

Sunday was an old friend's birthday, so I sent a quick message saying "Happy birthday! Hope you're well." I get a response. "Hi gorgeous! Thank you!" That was it. But it made me feel so good. I guess I needed to hear from someone else that I was still pretty.

Then I thought, wow. That's pathetic. Shouldn't I be enough? Shouldn't it be enough that I think I'm still cute? Shouldn't I not ever need anyone to tell me such things, because I know it anyway?

NO, NO, and NO. It is OKAY to need to hear something external. We need people communication. WE NEED to hear that we look nice, act nice, or are appreciated. WE are NOT enough for ourselves. WE NEED EACH OTHER. We do NOT have to be alone. AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

I am okay with needing someone to tell me I look okay, particularly since I don't hear it very often anymore. It sounds stronger to say, "I don't need that!" but I think I'm stronger for admitting I DO need it. From anyone I think highly of. When someone says I love you or compliments me, I like to think they mean it. They don't have to see it. My old friend could have just responded with a thank you, or not at all.

It meant a lot, and it's okay that I need that. I know I am not alone in this thought. We all need that. We all need each other.