52 Weeks of Happiness Week 25

This week, my sweet little guy started pre-pre-school. Well, that’s what we like to call his 2 day a week toddler class, anyway.

I have to say, I was very excited about it. I think my husband had a harder time than I did, considering I was nothing but excited.

I had perhaps the busiest four hours between four classes and a quick trip to his school to be there when he was dropped off for his first day.

My mother in law and her best friend were there too, and let hubby and me go ahead down the hall to his room. This week was tough, long, and up and down, but this moment was captured and it is something that happens quite often and always brings me tremendous joy.



I can't express how much this makes me feel like a million dollars. A simple thing like asking to be picked up...I know I'm his mama, he knows it, and I really feel it. A very simple, very real, very true joy.

No happiness right now...

Yin and Yang, love and indifference, rain and sun. If you don't have one, you can't have the other. And if you've had one, you certainly appreciate (or depreciate) the other.

For me, I know what sadness is, so I dearly grasp onto and continually search for happiness. It's much better.

I'm very sad today. I have one measly little day left of summer vacation. This may very well have been the best summer of my life.

I'm going back to work part-time, and I know when I get there my sweet students and wonderful teachers I work with will make me feel welcomed and at home again. But I have spent 10 amazing weeks with my flesh and blood. I've watched him grow leaps and bounds, and I want to be there all the time for this. It's killing me knowing I am even leaving him for a little bit.

For the first time in my life (exception: maternity leave), I really understand that people can say how much they love getting up in the morning...that they love the anticipation of another wonderful day. They truly are excited about waking up and getting up, and enjoy their days because of this. And you know what this leads me to believe and know about myself?

I am meant to be a mom.

NOT because I am perfect at it. No ma'am! I am only human. I know this because it is the only thing I have ever done consistently that leaves me aching for more. More days, overtime, and no need of benefits other than love and kisses. Yep, I know the frustrations so far of motherhood, but it's worth every.single.minute. It's pure joy.

I can only hope and pray that the man upstairs has it in his plan for me to be a mom twice over, but only time will tell.

I am thankful, not daily, but hourly, for the blessing of motherhood. I have never felt love like I feel for my child. I am in love with my husband in a way I had never felt it before him. In both these cases the love is pure, and different everytime I feel it. Love is far and away the most powerful force in the universe.

Tomorrow I intend on enjoying of course. I know I will. But I can't help but dread those first days of inservice before the students get there. The real reason I teach won't be there for another week and a half...let's just get there. Then maybe I will begin to find some balance. Who knows.

I want to be with my son to watch his eyes open up to new things. I want to be there daily. But I won't be the one opening his eyes up everytime. So maybe this is God's way of teaching me to let go.

But I won't ever let go all the way. No mom ever can, I am convinced.

if you made it this far, thank you...

52 Weeks of Happiness, Week 11

We all know it...Mother's Day.

It was my second Mother's Day this year, and it was magical. Hubby (and dear son) got canvas prints made from pictures I took on my Iphone. Isn't that amazing? The pictures are so good that they can be blown up to a (I think) 16 x 16 print? (could be 20 x 20). One big print, and four smaller ones that we have lined up on our walls...and they are WONDERFUL.

We had family over that evening, and it was simply lovely. And this moment was special to me...so that is this week's picture. My son loves dogs, and my dog has been mine for 6 wonderful years, so she made me a "mommy" 5 Mother's Days ago...and now look at my real child and my sweet canine child. Beautiful moment.



Thank goodness my son is a dog lover!!!

Another book!

I could really gather tons of books and never have time to read them all, but find myself increasingly happier with the surrounding books. They show potential. They suggest that there is quiet alone fun time in the future. I just have to remember that these books are there and I need to make the time for them. Last night, I lay in bed next to my husband who had just closed his book. I took the book light and read for another 20 minutes without disturbing him.


Though it's the end of the month (which means not much money) and Easter is coming (which means I've done lots of small orders from Amazon this month for my son), I heard about a book today that really caught my attention. My good friend Erin (who I am grateful for pretty much on a daily basis) from college and beyond has a wonderful blog. Because I am her friend on Facebook as well, I heard about this book today. Because of the extra dough I've dished out this week, I hesitated. Then I said to myself "for crying out loud, it's 10 dollars. And your husband just spend 450 on a Dyson." (Not that I'm mad about the Dyson. It was tax return money, and it's AWESOME. And he does the floors, so I understand what it's like having a very good instrument to make your chores more pleasant. Where would I be without our amazing washer and dryer we got a year and a half ago?)

Erin posted this link, and it lead me to the book.

I have struggled with perfection for years. I always thought I had to be perfect, though knew I never was, nor ever could be. Yet I allowed myself to continue to try. And you know what? The older I get, the less I care about being perfect. I just do what I tell my students: DYB. DO YOUR BEST. So I try to do my best every day, and I know that will bring happiness.

Amazon (thanks for the pic, btw!) lets you read about 4 pages of this book, and I really understood it when I was reading. I'm at the point where I have a Master's degree and should be using that to the best of my ability, but I find myself wanting so desperately to be home with my little guy. I feel guilty, not for not being with him, but for not wanting to be at work all the time. I feel like an amazing woman would be able to do it all and love every second. I just can't. And I think that's okay.


When I was just out of college, I had an extremely hard time adjusting to adult life. I had major anxiety and depression issues. I hated the two jobs I had within a year and a half. I had a recommendation on a book that was my therapy. It made me feel 110% better, just knowing I wasn't crazy or alone. I wonder if this new book about motherhood and perfection might help me in the same type of capacity.

We'll see. And I promise, I've been steadily reading, and making stars in the margins about things I want to blog about, so look for that forthcoming!

Attitude of Gratitude

It's no secret that having a thankful heart will bring you joy. I was watching an episode of Private Practice last night called "Blind Love." I didn't get to finish it, as hubby came in and shared his happiness -- a full first draft of his Master's Thesis! WOOHOO!

Anyway, in the episode, there was a mother who was nursing a child, and the mother was blind. It made me think how tremendously grateful I am for my senses.

I am thankful for sight, so that I may see every inch of my sweet child, see his hair color, his eye color, and see if anything does not look right so as to help him immediately.

I am thankful for smell, so I may take in that natural baby smell that will disappear with time, and smell his Dreft-yummy laundry and clean washed hair. And those heavenly baby lotions...

I am thankful for taste, so I may too taste the foods I make for my son, so that I know I am giving him something worth eating! Yesterday I made him a sweet orange salad, with a homemade lime/honey dressing for avocados, quartered grape tomatoes, and mandarin oranges. It was delicious!

I am thankful for touch, because from the first time I nursed with his face against my skin I knew we were finding new ways to bond. I sometimes simply hold his face in my hands to feel his sweet baby skin. And it never gets old. I am grateful to feel new teeth coming in!

I am thankful for hearing, so I may listen to his cries to alert me of his negative emotions. So I may hear his babbling turn into words, and so I may hear the greatest sound of all...his baby laughter.

And yes, I am thankful for the sixth sense to know when he is not safe or something is wrong. I have always had that sixth sense, but a mother's sixth sense is sharper, keener, and coated with love. It is the ultimate protection sense.

For the senses, I am truly grateful.