52 Weeks of Happiness Week 26

This week, I tried to find a seemingly tiny pleasure. It's something I did that made me very grateful for my life and very happy.

Hubby left his lunch at home. I leave after he does, so I grabbed it.

I texted him, "Have your lunch, will bring it to you around 12:15."

BECAUSE I CAN.

Because with my new part-time job, (same job, new to part-time) I have the ability to leave at noon each day. I got my stuff together, headed over to hubby's work and was able to have 20 minutes with him while he ate.

So here's my pic. Before I left my work, car is in Park, time (5 minutes fast), and the lunch. Small pleasure that meant a whole lot more.



What small pleasures are there in your life?

b

No happiness right now...

Yin and Yang, love and indifference, rain and sun. If you don't have one, you can't have the other. And if you've had one, you certainly appreciate (or depreciate) the other.

For me, I know what sadness is, so I dearly grasp onto and continually search for happiness. It's much better.

I'm very sad today. I have one measly little day left of summer vacation. This may very well have been the best summer of my life.

I'm going back to work part-time, and I know when I get there my sweet students and wonderful teachers I work with will make me feel welcomed and at home again. But I have spent 10 amazing weeks with my flesh and blood. I've watched him grow leaps and bounds, and I want to be there all the time for this. It's killing me knowing I am even leaving him for a little bit.

For the first time in my life (exception: maternity leave), I really understand that people can say how much they love getting up in the morning...that they love the anticipation of another wonderful day. They truly are excited about waking up and getting up, and enjoy their days because of this. And you know what this leads me to believe and know about myself?

I am meant to be a mom.

NOT because I am perfect at it. No ma'am! I am only human. I know this because it is the only thing I have ever done consistently that leaves me aching for more. More days, overtime, and no need of benefits other than love and kisses. Yep, I know the frustrations so far of motherhood, but it's worth every.single.minute. It's pure joy.

I can only hope and pray that the man upstairs has it in his plan for me to be a mom twice over, but only time will tell.

I am thankful, not daily, but hourly, for the blessing of motherhood. I have never felt love like I feel for my child. I am in love with my husband in a way I had never felt it before him. In both these cases the love is pure, and different everytime I feel it. Love is far and away the most powerful force in the universe.

Tomorrow I intend on enjoying of course. I know I will. But I can't help but dread those first days of inservice before the students get there. The real reason I teach won't be there for another week and a half...let's just get there. Then maybe I will begin to find some balance. Who knows.

I want to be with my son to watch his eyes open up to new things. I want to be there daily. But I won't be the one opening his eyes up everytime. So maybe this is God's way of teaching me to let go.

But I won't ever let go all the way. No mom ever can, I am convinced.

if you made it this far, thank you...

Season of Summer and Books

Each season brings new promise, farewells, and hellos. My summer has surely been a change from spring, and I welcome it all. Since I never really had me time in the spring, winter, or fall either, I don't think much about devoting my day 100% to my little guy. It is a tremendous pleasure.

When the school year comes around again, I will be there from 8-12. Not 7:30 to 4. Yes, my salary is gravely affected, but my life will be tremendously enriched. I am so happy to greet this new routine, though I am NOT rushing through the one my son and I have now.

As far as me time goes for this mama, I have almost made it through two books this summer. That's NOTHING to so many people, yet for me, it's pretty darn good. I'm a slow reader anyway, and with a toddler, you just never know when you'll want to pick it up.

I have found myself quietly slipping into a nap (even 15 minutes) after reading during his nap time. It's pretty nice, actually. And though I wish I could plow through more books, I also enjoy napping when he does, catching up on my favorite shows, and blogging.


I have enjoyed Heart of the Matter this summer, and Vision in White.
I dearly love Emily Giffin, and I love the feel of paperbacks. Not the tiny mass market ones, but the bigger ones. No other type of books feels better in my hands. So even though this one was out LAST summer, I waited for the paperback. I had plenty other books to read, anyway!

When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, my mother-in-law took me to her river house in Hardy, AR. She bought me food that would not turn my stomach, fed me well, and bought me silly, mindless books and magazines to read. It was for me to relax, and hubby to stay home to pack our house, since we were a week away from buying our first place.


Vision in White was the book she bought, and I didn't read it then because I was in the middle of another one, but I wanted so much to read it. I read all the bride fiction that looked decent when I was engaged, and this looked like plain, simple fun. Nora Roberts likes to write four books in a series, maybe three, and this was a "Bride Quartet" book. This was two years ago, and now all the books are out. I am just finishing up this one, and it's simple, plain, joyful fun.

My next book won't be the second in the Bride Quartet, as I rarely go back to back with the same author.

I AM still reading The Happiness Project book but am going slowly, since I can. And summer has turned things upside down, but hey, even that makes me happy. I needed a little shaking up at the end of May...time for a relaxing routine. Looks like the prescription that worked was mommy/toddler time and reading.

Happiness indeed.

52 Weeks of Happiness, Week 12

There was a great deal of wonderfulness in this past week. My son's show-off day at The Little Gym. Hubby's graduation. But what REALLY brought be tremendous happiness was one major thing: appreciation.

Hubby is about to start a new job. He's moving from teacher and assistant Head of Middle School to a Head of School position. And he's 29. We've had some amazing things happen where we both work now (and met), and well, he's always the one who throws the thoughtful goodbyes to the retiring teachers and such.

This time, someone did it for him. I got to be a part of a surprise assembly with the entire Middle School, and I witnessed how much these students love and respect him. And THAT made me giddy with gladness.

Everyone likes to be appreciated. Hubby is the least egotistical male I have ever met. And he has his moments. But this was humbling to him. We had some people from the past come out (former teachers and workers), and family. Then there was a slide show. Then came the 8th grade drama class skit...ALL ABOUT HIM. Then he was given a trophy.

It was really, really necessary and VERY special. Seeing how hard he has worked, I was just so happy to see him really be honored. He got MANY standing ovations, and here's the pic of one of the many.

What a wonderful day.

52 Weeks of Happiness, Week 9

What made me happy this past week?

A glorious, stress-free, LONG overdue, FOUR DAY WEEKEND.

Easter finally arrived, and this teacher is thanking her lucky stars that she didn't have to make up a snow day (like others did) on Easter Monday.

It was the SHORTEST long weekend ever. But beautiful.

We played outside and with a friend on Friday. On Saturday, we visited family friends in town for the holiday. Sunday we went to church and had a small cookout. Monday we took the little guy for his first dentist appointment.

Run of the mill? Not to me. I live for my time with him and with my family, and it was wonderful having a long weekend to enjoy both my guys (and my canine girl).

To represent the weekend, here's a peek at what the Easter Bunny left for little man.



The summer is 21 days away. 4 Mondays, 4 weeks. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Another book!

I could really gather tons of books and never have time to read them all, but find myself increasingly happier with the surrounding books. They show potential. They suggest that there is quiet alone fun time in the future. I just have to remember that these books are there and I need to make the time for them. Last night, I lay in bed next to my husband who had just closed his book. I took the book light and read for another 20 minutes without disturbing him.


Though it's the end of the month (which means not much money) and Easter is coming (which means I've done lots of small orders from Amazon this month for my son), I heard about a book today that really caught my attention. My good friend Erin (who I am grateful for pretty much on a daily basis) from college and beyond has a wonderful blog. Because I am her friend on Facebook as well, I heard about this book today. Because of the extra dough I've dished out this week, I hesitated. Then I said to myself "for crying out loud, it's 10 dollars. And your husband just spend 450 on a Dyson." (Not that I'm mad about the Dyson. It was tax return money, and it's AWESOME. And he does the floors, so I understand what it's like having a very good instrument to make your chores more pleasant. Where would I be without our amazing washer and dryer we got a year and a half ago?)

Erin posted this link, and it lead me to the book.

I have struggled with perfection for years. I always thought I had to be perfect, though knew I never was, nor ever could be. Yet I allowed myself to continue to try. And you know what? The older I get, the less I care about being perfect. I just do what I tell my students: DYB. DO YOUR BEST. So I try to do my best every day, and I know that will bring happiness.

Amazon (thanks for the pic, btw!) lets you read about 4 pages of this book, and I really understood it when I was reading. I'm at the point where I have a Master's degree and should be using that to the best of my ability, but I find myself wanting so desperately to be home with my little guy. I feel guilty, not for not being with him, but for not wanting to be at work all the time. I feel like an amazing woman would be able to do it all and love every second. I just can't. And I think that's okay.


When I was just out of college, I had an extremely hard time adjusting to adult life. I had major anxiety and depression issues. I hated the two jobs I had within a year and a half. I had a recommendation on a book that was my therapy. It made me feel 110% better, just knowing I wasn't crazy or alone. I wonder if this new book about motherhood and perfection might help me in the same type of capacity.

We'll see. And I promise, I've been steadily reading, and making stars in the margins about things I want to blog about, so look for that forthcoming!

SARK's Micromovements

I'm not sure in which of SARK's books she first wrote about micromovements, but it really spoke to me. I still like SARK, but really found her color and hand-written books enthralling particularly in college.

This book was my first one. I need to bring it out again!



She has a wonderful outlook on life, and has strived to be very happy and embrace all things HER. But of course, not in an egotistical way. She accepts her faults and knows what to do with them. She loves a good nap. And she knows that need-to-do tasks (or even want-to-do tasks) can be very daunting. So, she suggests micromovements. As I am about to enter into a new phase of work next year, doors of possibilities are now open. That does not thrill (completely) someone with my personality. It scares me. I don't like challenges. Which is why Gretchen Rubin's book has helped so much already too. Her Happiness Project was given a full year to really work on it. She didn't rush. She took time to plan, then implemented and tweaked.

When you marry micromovements and taking your time and living in the moment, you get this outlook when you are overwhelmed : What do I have to do today, right NOW, to make improvements?

Yesterday, when I was really heartbroken at the unfairness of my contract, I was completely bummed. I am terrified of what I have to do next to make more money. But I started thinking about only what I have to do NOW, or THIS WEEK. And I remembered that my husband will understand that new things take time.

ANYWAY, here's an excerpt on micromovements. You can download the PDF for yourself here.

Micromovement Reminders

1. Choose a tiny step-something you already know how to do. If you want to write more letters, a good micromovement would be: Tuesday 2pm, put stamps and paper and pen in same spot.
2. Write down your micromovement with a date and time. You can always reassign it. It has more value in the material world when it is written down.
3. As soon as you've completed your micromovement, choose the next one and write that down.
4. Micromovements resist repetition. Example: "My micromovement is to write in my journal every day for 5 minutes."
Sound reasonable?
It may sound reasonable, but it isn't. Here's why:
The first time we get a headache, or don’t feel like writing, or just don't do it, the inner critic lurches forward with pleasure and says, "Aha! See! You can't even write every day for five minutes. You'll never be a writer….blah blah blah."
Simply make it smaller:
Tomorrow at 8pm write in my journal for 5 minutes
5. Get micromovement support. Find a friend who is eager to work with micromovements and check in with each other on completion schedules.
Note: Do not engage in faultfinding or sarcasm when you falter. Choose a sensitive and kind friend doing inner critic work.
6. Collect notes about your micromovements all the way through a project, and study how you did it. We often forget our own ways and methods.
7. Be willing to practice this system and continually forget about it, fail at it, yet still have faith in yourself and your creative dreams.
8. Be willing to get smaller. Most micromovements are too large. In fact, we assign ourselves projects that are much too big and then get discouraged by our own inactivity.

More micromovement example:
I wish to make a big purple pillow
Micromovements:
1. Call Nancy Wed. 10am ask where she got the great purple fabric
2. Thu 11am, put fabric near sewing machine
3. Fri 4pm, draw two types of pillow ideas
4. Sat 2pm, assemble supplies for 5 minutes
5. Sun 5pm sew a tiny purple pillow cover

Slowly and surely wins the race. Thank you, SARK, for your years of inspiration!!

Standing up for Yourself

I have NEVER been good at this. It is almost excruciating to stand up for myself when I'm faced with someone who in some way has power over me. And I know, "No one has power over you unless you let them." Please deal with my extreme cynicism today, but that is largely BS. I can't just choose to have someone not make me feel a certain way, it is a major process. A process I have never figured out -- even how to begin to do this.

AND, additionally, anyone who is your boss has power over you. So there. You can't argue with that. They have power over your salary, your hours, exactly what work you do, etc. We have power over how we perform and how we react to these things, but they put you in that position. And when it comes to work, sometimes you may not have a choice. It might sound nice to quit your job and go for your dreams, but in no way is that realistic. Not if you have a family. Not if you are supporting yourself. It is just not real life.

I have spent the past two months in meetings alternating between my two bosses. Today we met together. I fought very hard for my contract. When it was first issued, the hours and pay had been drastically changed. The salary felt like a tremendous slap in the face. I fought very hard for my pay. I made an incredibly FAIR case. What I was proposing was tremendously fair, and I was FINALLY sticking up for myself. And I actually felt pretty confident.

After these months of meetings, waiting, fighting for a job description, waiting, and more waiting, I was reissued a contract.

Nothing had changed.

People say good things happen when you stand up for youself. They say at least you feel better about yourself.

I do not. I feel completely defeated.