Today, I feel..

Today I feel irritated.

I am irritated at myself. I LOVE to shop, and I love to online shop. And unfortunately, I know of a lot of great bargain sites. And unfortunately, I can't pass some of them up.

Some purchases (actually, most) are very good investments. I'm sure some of them I don't need, but I have wanted for a while. For instance, I bought an apron for myself. I'm excited about cooking new things for my baby, and I have always wanted an apron. And the one I have been eyeing had a sale of 10% off. It ended up being about 20 dollars. Then I also bought a few other things, for my son and husband, and in about 10 days it just added up. Not anything crazy, and I don't charge it. But I feel AWFUL when I think I have spent too much.

Hubby's not mad at me, after all, he knows he does the same thing (only it goes to the yard), but I am mad at me. So NO SPENDING for me this month. Period. No excptions. Anymore. Not til June.

We have a WONDEFFUL trip to New Orleans planned and we need to save our pennies for that. So, it's groceries and gas for me this month, and limited eating out.

We simply (like most americans) don't make all that much and need to be better budgeters.

Let's see if it works and if it leads to more happiness. I don't feel like I need stuff to make me happy, though it is very much something that CAN make me happy.

We'll see. Now that's it's out there, I am officially accountable. Even if it's just to my one sweet follower!!!

Standing up for Yourself

I have NEVER been good at this. It is almost excruciating to stand up for myself when I'm faced with someone who in some way has power over me. And I know, "No one has power over you unless you let them." Please deal with my extreme cynicism today, but that is largely BS. I can't just choose to have someone not make me feel a certain way, it is a major process. A process I have never figured out -- even how to begin to do this.

AND, additionally, anyone who is your boss has power over you. So there. You can't argue with that. They have power over your salary, your hours, exactly what work you do, etc. We have power over how we perform and how we react to these things, but they put you in that position. And when it comes to work, sometimes you may not have a choice. It might sound nice to quit your job and go for your dreams, but in no way is that realistic. Not if you have a family. Not if you are supporting yourself. It is just not real life.

I have spent the past two months in meetings alternating between my two bosses. Today we met together. I fought very hard for my contract. When it was first issued, the hours and pay had been drastically changed. The salary felt like a tremendous slap in the face. I fought very hard for my pay. I made an incredibly FAIR case. What I was proposing was tremendously fair, and I was FINALLY sticking up for myself. And I actually felt pretty confident.

After these months of meetings, waiting, fighting for a job description, waiting, and more waiting, I was reissued a contract.

Nothing had changed.

People say good things happen when you stand up for youself. They say at least you feel better about yourself.

I do not. I feel completely defeated.

Disaster to Euphoria

Picture it.

First day of Spring Break. Beautiful day. Outside with hubby and friend shoveling mulch (them, not me). I am taking a picture with my GLORIOUS iphone. Then I was wiping off the precious screen. And my butter fingers came out full-force, and it fell. On the concrete. Over half of the screen was shattered. I was devastated.

I have had this phone for three months. It was my anniversary present. My school computer kinda sucks, so my phone is pretty much my computer. Until this phone, I'd never had one so useful. All the other ones sounded great when I got them, but then promptly broke or malfunctioned or something. But at least I could make a phone call. For us underpaid teachers, this is my true luxury. I LOVE this phone. And I was terrified at what this was going to cost us. It was nowhere in the budget to fix things like this.

I made a few phone calls to people I knew had had something similar happen. They are all very good Mac customers, and Apple had replaced their phones, free of charge.

It was my only hope.

So, I made an appointment at the Genius Bar in the Apple store, and they took me a little early. I was actually nervous. Money makes me very nervous and it's a source of tremendous stress for me. Always has been. Michael at the Apple store helped me. Listened to my story. Here I am, trying to look cute with my baby on my hip, and rehashed the fact that I was sick this week, and how awful it was... I told him it was functioning except that when I made calls, the other person couldn't hear me. He listened, and said he was going to make a "one time exception." He sent me home with a new phone. I was in and out in 15 minutes. I had backed up, so when I re-synced with hubby's good computer, it was like NOTHING had ever happened.

When I left the Apple store, after profusely thanking him, I almost cried in the car. I was very close. I was BEYOND relieved that this would not cost our family anything.

I don't know if it's a policy at Apple to help people like me out, but whatever the reason, I thank them for bringing such happiness to me. This is NOT temporary happiness. It's not just "how nice that was!" If not for this, I'd have had to have paid SO much, for my clumsiness.

It's a tremendously SIGNIFICANT happiness moment for me, that will last a LONG time.