Yin and Yang, love and indifference, rain and sun. If you don't have one, you can't have the other. And if you've had one, you certainly appreciate (or depreciate) the other.
For me, I know what sadness is, so I dearly grasp onto and continually search for happiness. It's much better.
I'm very sad today. I have one measly little day left of summer vacation. This may very well have been the best summer of my life.
I'm going back to work part-time, and I know when I get there my sweet students and wonderful teachers I work with will make me feel welcomed and at home again. But I have spent 10 amazing weeks with my flesh and blood. I've watched him grow leaps and bounds, and I want to be there all the time for this. It's killing me knowing I am even leaving him for a little bit.
For the first time in my life (exception: maternity leave), I really understand that people can say how much they love getting up in the morning...that they love the anticipation of another wonderful day. They truly are excited about waking up and getting up, and enjoy their days because of this. And you know what this leads me to believe and know about myself?
I am meant to be a mom.
NOT because I am perfect at it. No ma'am! I am only human. I know this because it is the only thing I have ever done consistently that leaves me aching for more. More days, overtime, and no need of benefits other than love and kisses. Yep, I know the frustrations so far of motherhood, but it's worth every.single.minute. It's pure joy.
I can only hope and pray that the man upstairs has it in his plan for me to be a mom twice over, but only time will tell.
I am thankful, not daily, but hourly, for the blessing of motherhood. I have never felt love like I feel for my child. I am in love with my husband in a way I had never felt it before him. In both these cases the love is pure, and different everytime I feel it. Love is far and away the most powerful force in the universe.
Tomorrow I intend on enjoying of course. I know I will. But I can't help but dread those first days of inservice before the students get there. The real reason I teach won't be there for another week and a half...let's just get there. Then maybe I will begin to find some balance. Who knows.
I want to be with my son to watch his eyes open up to new things. I want to be there daily. But I won't be the one opening his eyes up everytime. So maybe this is God's way of teaching me to let go.
But I won't ever let go all the way. No mom ever can, I am convinced.
if you made it this far, thank you...
Showing posts with label sadness and happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness and happiness. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Happiness and Heartbreak
Almost a week ago, I heard of a friend's passing. She was 48. Lost her 5 year battle with cancer. Used to model in Paris, married for 15 years. Had four children, rising 9th, 7th, 5th, and 3rd graders. Model, but also model parent, wife, and friend. She was tremendously amazing.
She is someone I will remember for years to come. I cried when I heard of her passing. Cried a few hours later again. Then again at her memorial service on Saturday. I think what breaks my heart the most is knowing her children as well as I do. I have, in my 5 years, taught three of them, and my husband has taught the eldest. I taught one for one year, another child for 2, and the youngest for FOUR years. So I know this family well, and fell in love with them like so many at my school had.
Paula was nothing short of a beautiful woman. I am SO happy I knew her. I choose to see this as a time for mourning, but a time of pensive thanksgiving. I truly reflect on how grateful I am to have known her, and to have watched her interact with so many people. She blessed so many lives.
There aren't many people I can say who are simply, truly, beautifully GOOD. She was.
In the midst of heartbreak, happiness for being graced with her presence.
Paula was tremendous, and she did a 3-day 60 mile walk for breast cancer awareness (although she herself had another form, her mother had lost her battle with breast cancer many years ago) a year and a half ago. Here is her depiction of her experience, if you are so inclined. I wish I could point our friend out to you, but she is one who has little hair, and is very tall! Often in this video, she is wearing shades and a cowboy hat. Anyway...just a small part of her legacy.
She is someone I will remember for years to come. I cried when I heard of her passing. Cried a few hours later again. Then again at her memorial service on Saturday. I think what breaks my heart the most is knowing her children as well as I do. I have, in my 5 years, taught three of them, and my husband has taught the eldest. I taught one for one year, another child for 2, and the youngest for FOUR years. So I know this family well, and fell in love with them like so many at my school had.
Paula was nothing short of a beautiful woman. I am SO happy I knew her. I choose to see this as a time for mourning, but a time of pensive thanksgiving. I truly reflect on how grateful I am to have known her, and to have watched her interact with so many people. She blessed so many lives.
There aren't many people I can say who are simply, truly, beautifully GOOD. She was.
In the midst of heartbreak, happiness for being graced with her presence.
Paula was tremendous, and she did a 3-day 60 mile walk for breast cancer awareness (although she herself had another form, her mother had lost her battle with breast cancer many years ago) a year and a half ago. Here is her depiction of her experience, if you are so inclined. I wish I could point our friend out to you, but she is one who has little hair, and is very tall! Often in this video, she is wearing shades and a cowboy hat. Anyway...just a small part of her legacy.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Procrastination Happiness and Unhappiness
It's summer for this teacher, and this mama couldn't be more excited to spend her summer with a handsome 17 month-old.
We're getting into the swing of things post-end of school year, and we've had much catching up to do at home. Grocery shopping, laundry, etc. However, there are so very many things I have put off for months, and I did a few things today.
Procrastination RARELY makes me happy. When you know you'll get to it later (as in, EXACTLY when you will do it), it can be kind of a fun little thing. But while reading The Happiness Project and knowing how micro-movements are the way to go, I adopted the one-minute-rule. It's worked beautifully! Can it be done in a minute or less? DO IT NOW.
However, there are so many things that DO take more than a minute, and involve planning. I'm determined to be better about that with more time now. Today, I finally called the vet to make an appointment for this weekend for my beagle, who is a bit overdue for her check-up. I'm ashamed and a bad mommy to my sweet lady, but I give her a lot of love, and I'm making up for it now. Dogs are so forgiving.
And also, she's needed a new collar for quite some time. And a new ID tag. Did it all today. She's spiffed up, and soon will have her new rabies vaccine tag, too.
I feel AWFUL that I procrastinated on this. I kept telling myself it was a money and time thing, but she's a living being, and my responsibility.
I'll try to remember this the next time this comes up. Next thing? Make dentist appointment for me. As long as I have the appointment, I'm fine with July or August. As long as I know it's on the calendar.
What can YOU stop procrastinating on? Anything?
We're getting into the swing of things post-end of school year, and we've had much catching up to do at home. Grocery shopping, laundry, etc. However, there are so very many things I have put off for months, and I did a few things today.
Procrastination RARELY makes me happy. When you know you'll get to it later (as in, EXACTLY when you will do it), it can be kind of a fun little thing. But while reading The Happiness Project and knowing how micro-movements are the way to go, I adopted the one-minute-rule. It's worked beautifully! Can it be done in a minute or less? DO IT NOW.
However, there are so many things that DO take more than a minute, and involve planning. I'm determined to be better about that with more time now. Today, I finally called the vet to make an appointment for this weekend for my beagle, who is a bit overdue for her check-up. I'm ashamed and a bad mommy to my sweet lady, but I give her a lot of love, and I'm making up for it now. Dogs are so forgiving.
And also, she's needed a new collar for quite some time. And a new ID tag. Did it all today. She's spiffed up, and soon will have her new rabies vaccine tag, too.
I feel AWFUL that I procrastinated on this. I kept telling myself it was a money and time thing, but she's a living being, and my responsibility.
I'll try to remember this the next time this comes up. Next thing? Make dentist appointment for me. As long as I have the appointment, I'm fine with July or August. As long as I know it's on the calendar.
What can YOU stop procrastinating on? Anything?
Monday, May 9, 2011
Today, I feel..
Today I feel irritated.
I am irritated at myself. I LOVE to shop, and I love to online shop. And unfortunately, I know of a lot of great bargain sites. And unfortunately, I can't pass some of them up.
Some purchases (actually, most) are very good investments. I'm sure some of them I don't need, but I have wanted for a while. For instance, I bought an apron for myself. I'm excited about cooking new things for my baby, and I have always wanted an apron. And the one I have been eyeing had a sale of 10% off. It ended up being about 20 dollars. Then I also bought a few other things, for my son and husband, and in about 10 days it just added up. Not anything crazy, and I don't charge it. But I feel AWFUL when I think I have spent too much.
Hubby's not mad at me, after all, he knows he does the same thing (only it goes to the yard), but I am mad at me. So NO SPENDING for me this month. Period. No excptions. Anymore. Not til June.
We have a WONDEFFUL trip to New Orleans planned and we need to save our pennies for that. So, it's groceries and gas for me this month, and limited eating out.
We simply (like most americans) don't make all that much and need to be better budgeters.
Let's see if it works and if it leads to more happiness. I don't feel like I need stuff to make me happy, though it is very much something that CAN make me happy.
We'll see. Now that's it's out there, I am officially accountable. Even if it's just to my one sweet follower!!!
I am irritated at myself. I LOVE to shop, and I love to online shop. And unfortunately, I know of a lot of great bargain sites. And unfortunately, I can't pass some of them up.
Some purchases (actually, most) are very good investments. I'm sure some of them I don't need, but I have wanted for a while. For instance, I bought an apron for myself. I'm excited about cooking new things for my baby, and I have always wanted an apron. And the one I have been eyeing had a sale of 10% off. It ended up being about 20 dollars. Then I also bought a few other things, for my son and husband, and in about 10 days it just added up. Not anything crazy, and I don't charge it. But I feel AWFUL when I think I have spent too much.
Hubby's not mad at me, after all, he knows he does the same thing (only it goes to the yard), but I am mad at me. So NO SPENDING for me this month. Period. No excptions. Anymore. Not til June.
We have a WONDEFFUL trip to New Orleans planned and we need to save our pennies for that. So, it's groceries and gas for me this month, and limited eating out.
We simply (like most americans) don't make all that much and need to be better budgeters.
Let's see if it works and if it leads to more happiness. I don't feel like I need stuff to make me happy, though it is very much something that CAN make me happy.
We'll see. Now that's it's out there, I am officially accountable. Even if it's just to my one sweet follower!!!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Next time you're sad, just think...
...sometimes things that make you sad, will somehow, or someday make you happy.
For example, break-ups are horrible. But now, knowing what I have and who I am because of them, I want to send thank you notes to those lying cheating horrible guys thanking them for leaving me, or for being so awful that I needed to leave them. I am SO grateful for what once gave me so much pain.
In a less extreme case, I've spent the last few days solo at home. Of course I have baby Rigby with me, but I loved the idea of a couple of nights watching whatever I want and eating whatever I want. Hubby doesn't like Chinese food, so I got that one night, and another Fresh Market treat the other night. It's been two nights, but I'm very excited to see him tonight. As the old country song states, "How can I miss you if you won't go away?"
My husband has gone away for 6 weeks the past 4 summers to persue his Master's degree. One summer it drove him away. The next we were engaged and planning our wedding. The next I was pregnant. Last summer, we had a six month old. I got pretty annoyed at his being gone for THAT long, but I really, REALLY was happy when he came home. Sad without him, but happy too. For a short period of time.
It's a yin-yang effect. You can't have one without the other. We are happy because we know what it is to be sad. We are grateful when we realize what we have and what others don't. I have no problem feeling grateful in life, and I think that lends a lot to my happiness. I try to see sad moments as opportunities to take a different perspective on things. That is how you will understand yourself and your situations so much better.
"Just when you think you know something, you have to look at it in another way. Even though it may seem silly, or wrong, you must try."
-Mr. Keating, Dead Poets Society
These lines have stayed with me for years. What do you think?? Watch from 44 seconds for at least one minute. Post your thoughts.
For example, break-ups are horrible. But now, knowing what I have and who I am because of them, I want to send thank you notes to those lying cheating horrible guys thanking them for leaving me, or for being so awful that I needed to leave them. I am SO grateful for what once gave me so much pain.
In a less extreme case, I've spent the last few days solo at home. Of course I have baby Rigby with me, but I loved the idea of a couple of nights watching whatever I want and eating whatever I want. Hubby doesn't like Chinese food, so I got that one night, and another Fresh Market treat the other night. It's been two nights, but I'm very excited to see him tonight. As the old country song states, "How can I miss you if you won't go away?"
My husband has gone away for 6 weeks the past 4 summers to persue his Master's degree. One summer it drove him away. The next we were engaged and planning our wedding. The next I was pregnant. Last summer, we had a six month old. I got pretty annoyed at his being gone for THAT long, but I really, REALLY was happy when he came home. Sad without him, but happy too. For a short period of time.
It's a yin-yang effect. You can't have one without the other. We are happy because we know what it is to be sad. We are grateful when we realize what we have and what others don't. I have no problem feeling grateful in life, and I think that lends a lot to my happiness. I try to see sad moments as opportunities to take a different perspective on things. That is how you will understand yourself and your situations so much better.
"Just when you think you know something, you have to look at it in another way. Even though it may seem silly, or wrong, you must try."
-Mr. Keating, Dead Poets Society
These lines have stayed with me for years. What do you think?? Watch from 44 seconds for at least one minute. Post your thoughts.
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